You (e-Hate)

He cummed and cleaned up, now he wants nothing to do with you. There aren’t many things in this world that hurt like that. No goodbye, not a word, not even from across the anonymous void that is the internet. Now you’re left sitting alone, and hurting just as much as you did before; but what can you do? You will take him back next time, you’ll take him when he comes a month later, you’re even glad to see him. That’s the sad part. You’re glad to because you’ve become something like a whore, it’s the only thing you know how to feel anymore; so you feel it as often as you can. It’s one part boredom and one part loneliness, and it’s become poison for you. You’re not excited by it anymore, you just don’t want to be alone and you don’t know what else to do. Sometimes you lay in bed, and it feels like you’re eating yourself as you hug a pillow. You want to die, but you know you can’t, you can’t bear what it would do to your family, what it would do to the few close friends you have. They wouldn’t be able to stand it. So you don’t, robbed of even your most desperate of options you lay there instead wishing more than anything you could cry, wishing for any release that will come and make it go away, so you go searching for one. The release that you find is only a dead end road, and it introduces you to a new self hate. You don’t even type anymore; you’ve lost count of the men that have watched you. You just copy and paste messages of your degradation hoping someone out there is just as lonely and willing to abuse you. Willing to abuse you, that’s what it is, you don’t lie to yourself anymore, that’s what you’re looking for. You're broken, You realize that now.